Amelia Devina, The Full Time Life Recorder

April in Love

2008-06-18T10:20:00.001+07:00

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Hello, April! Dear lovers... dear life-lovers..., dear love-lovers...

Life is good, life is great, life is beautiful!
Like the earrings you're wearing, it is exciting!
Like the tattoos you're proudly showing, it's thrilling!
Like the perfect life you're always dreaming, it's boosting!

Dear all lovers in the world, love yourself then love others. When it's in you, it's showing! It's glowing!!!

Be Brave To Give More

2008-06-18T10:19:00.001+07:00

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Most of the time, I have to admit, I am quite reluctant to give more to people. It’s as if I’ll lose something, lose my prestige, if I treat someone nicer than how (s)he treats me. I guess, as a human, this is very normal.

But well, I learn something from a movie I watched last year. The line goes something like this, “My wife loves me soooo much!!!! Her love is so huge that even my whole body has no more space to be filled in with it!! How could I love someone else anymore when there is someone who loves me this perfect??”

Yes, people!! Give more and don’t be afraid of losing anything. Loving is giving without asking anything else in return. Giving without worrying whether you are giving away too much. Because, remember: each time you give away something, you’ll always take something back more in return! The more you give, the more you’ll receive. The more you love, the more you will be loved.

But do it without pretension. Do it just because it is the only right thing to do. Because love is abundant. Because the blessings you have are abundant. Be brave to face lost, be brave to face pain. Because when you feel pain, there will always be enough love to heal it again. Giving is receiving. And both are equally beautiful, for they are harmoniously living together in love for each other. As we love each other.

And as quoted from a blue postcard:

“Love one another as God has loved us”

Love you, everyone!!!

“No Starbucks, No Life”?

2008-06-18T10:18:00.003+07:00

It’s quite amazing when I heard this sentence said by a friend of mine. She told me that she loves Starbucks so much so that the thought of Starbucks not being available in Pluit and the areas surrounding it, is so absurd. Not even Coffee Bean is there.

Phew!

So, is this about a cup of coffee? Is this about the brand? Or this is mostly about the lifestyle of people living in the North of Jakarta? And about how marketing and its research works?

So, is there really no life without Starbucks? Is there really no life in the North? Is these all really boring?

Well, Starbucks is coming soon (whenever it is) in Pluit Junction!! So, people… at last there will be a life coming to the North! Soon there will be magic and soon there will be a changing in the lifestyle! The marketing people will be busy and Starbucks as always, will always be happy-go-lucky with their charms!

For me: “No Starbucks, No Problem!”

Someone Who Celebrates

2008-06-18T10:18:00.001+07:00

It was so striking to me when Vera said on the phone while we chatted, “Well, no wonder… it’s because you are someone who loves to celebrate. Every birthday! And even every simple single thing!”

That’s approximately how the sentence went!

And boom!! Yes!!! I love to celebrate! Every occasion. If possible, I want to celebrate them all. If I have that much money, even, on each occasion I would love to share gifts to people and especially to those I love. I want to make each of them merry and unforgettable. Surprises, gifts, gatherings, pictures… nice food and nice conversations. That would be perfect.

Every moment is a history and I would like to make nice histories, I would like to leave unforgettable histories among people. One way of doing it is to have unforgettable celebrations with them. I think that is why every single occasion and celebration is significantly important to me. Christmas, New Year, Valentine’s Day, Easter, Birthday of course, Anniversary, whatever day whatever day. And of course I don’t want to wait till a particular day to having done something special.

Maybe I do care. Maybe I just want to be admitted as someone who cares. Maybe I just love it to see people be so happy for what I’ve done. Maybe I want to take credit for it. Maybe I just want them to know that they’re special. Maybe I hope for something the same in return. Maybe they’re all the reasons. Maybe less. Maybe more. But let’s just enjoy it..! Everyone always loves a surprise sometimes!

4 January 2008

28.12.2007 of Love

2008-06-18T10:17:00.001+07:00

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Love is not about I am winning over you or you are winning over me. It is not about who has more power and who controls who. Love is nurturing each other, accepting and understanding. Love is about us willing; how far we let love lead us to be willing to give. Not to sacrifice, but to give. Love is about trying to be the best person you can be for yourself and for the one you love. Love is thank you and thank me. It is forgiving you and forgiving me. Love is about coming home in the end of all life's journeys. Love is about us. Love is Us.

22.11.2007

2008-06-18T10:15:00.000+07:00

Friday, November 23, 2007

It is better to sleep than to cry. So I sleep some more…

My whole body can only submit to beauty. Let alone the anguish and the anger. I can only allow tears.

We live and die alone. Thanks for pretending that you care.

or click

14.11.2007

2008-06-18T10:14:00.001+07:00

Friday, November 23, 2007

Only in my writings I can feel proud of myself, realizing that I’m big and I’m strong. That is my only way to grow, my only escape.

For in reality, I am no more than a mere sinner. A sinner to God, to parents, and even to my own self. Where is the pride in that?

Worth

2008-06-18T10:13:00.003+07:00

I guess some people are just born soooo lucky.
I’m lucky in my own way.

I guess some people are just born to be almost perfect.
But not me.

So thanks to those people who know that I’m not
And still loving me.

In the end; it’s not about whether you’re lucky or not; or whether you’re perfect or not so perfect. It’s about whether you know how much you’re worth and that you know that you’re worth it.

26.10.2007

Freedom Writers Tragedy

2008-06-18T10:13:00.001+07:00

Friday, October 26, 2007

"No, you don’t love me.
You love the idea of me.”

-Freedom Writers-

Love Is

2008-06-18T10:12:00.001+07:00

@ Jakarta, my Palace; 24.10.2007

Wait, now i understand one thing. Love is not blind. Love is never blind. If it is blind, then it must not be love. Love is rela. Love is ikhlas.

10.10.2007

2008-06-18T10:10:00.000+07:00

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Amongst the hectic of the city of Guangzhou, I take a time off; wandering around in this bridge of hope. of green and yellow, where you can look above and under, trying to find peace and a bit of time to just realize that a city can still be this meaningful. i take a time off; allowing myself to take a flashback of the weeks that just went through. on how i feel blessed, thankful, and still; sorry for the things left undone.

It's so good to know that family can always be the place you can rely on. they accept you fr who you are and would never question you, never wanting you to change. they make fun of you, you make fun of them. we laugh at each others' foolness and, really, nothing could compare the comfort of it. it is a blessing that there are always people you can call friends. always around you, proud of you, say good and bad things about you. and yet, still, no matter how stupid you are in life; they are always supporting you. it's funny and it's good to know that after all these times; some things have never and would never change(d).

I'm so happy and so proud to know that my friends at Sydney are mostly happy with what they're doing right now. family, friends, spouse, with lover or no lover, studies, nice jobs, plans for holidays, plans for the future; all seem great! nice food, nice weather, nice season, and nice fashion; grab whatever life may give you! and when i look at myself, what i've done throughout this year; i feel so big and yet so small. i feel so proud and yet so ashamed inside. really, no regret. everything is in its place. everything is worth is price.

My baby said something to me recently regarding my latest and craziest project in life. he said: nver feel guilty. what you've done is a miracle! it may seem bullshit, but at this moment i want to feel that it's true and it's the only truth that i can believe in. i can always relate it to any condition and therefore have faith in the angel and hero inside me. yes, what i've done is a miracle. and not even a single person can do it better than me, can lead my life happier than me. i, myself, is a miracle already!

Oh, how i want to go back laying on the grass in the middle of Hyde Park! with a cup of tea. or coffee. or with a cute muffin i can buy in the shop not far within. grab a paper and a pen, and make sure you record the beauty and the pain! Oh, how i want to taste a bit if freedom. more laughters and more time alone. the green, yellow, red, and brown. the sun, the moon, and the stars. and the earth. the Universe. before the sun sets, before the sun rises from the west. and the earth and all mankind collapse.

A Question?

2008-06-18T10:08:00.001+07:00

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

They said the guy who’s worth it for your tears won’t actually make you cry.

-Really?-

or click

Change

2008-06-18T10:04:00.002+07:00

People do change. I change.

It’s funny when these days I look back to sometime last year (oh wow! It’s even more than a year now). Well, things happened! I remember quite well those times when I realized that my best friends sort of complained about me, about how I’ve changed to worse. I was quite enjoying myself at that point of time actually and never thought who or what I’ve become have actually caused greater effects to people closest to me. It’s also weird but funny to see how people chose not to love you anymore after you’ve change, you’ve become different.

I guess it’s really about books I was reading during that period of time, what I was doing mostly day and night, and people plus matter I was dealing with. Honestly, I never intentionally try to be more quiet or anything like that. It just happened! But well, I have to admit that without me having the willing to change, there wouldn’t be any change at all, right?! And to be honest, somehow I actually wanted to be that person. My B side.

Recently, this kind of feeling come back again to me. I wonder why. Somehow, deep in my heart, I want to choose to be my different self. The melancholic side of me talking, I guess. You know, like it’s time for me already to shut my mouth up and stop acting like a child. Stop being so loud and well… just be calm, run it neat and smooth. Be elegant, be modest, be gentle, be mature, be classy and respectful, and all that rubbish. But it’s hard to be someone you’re not, yea?!

*Oh, Father!!! I just need a time to be alone!! No you, no one else at all, no nothing. Just me, my Father, and the nature.

29.07.2007 00:19 AM

or click

Poetries

2008-06-18T10:03:00.004+07:00

It’s funny how I’ve kinda lost the ability and honestly, also the interest, to poetries. Good quality poems always amaze me and there to lift me up, though.

Oh, maybe it’s time to write a little poem again… But what to write if at last, my words will only turn out to be shit you don’t want to read again?!

23.07.2007

or click

A Chant

2008-06-18T10:03:00.003+07:00

It’s in the sunset of Jakarta
The songs in every club in town
It’s in my tears and my soul chanting
Calling you home… home
Home to me

23.07.2007

or click

Film

2008-06-18T10:01:00.000+07:00

It’s a very good thing that now I begin to develop more sense to films. A deeper and more content sense. Feeling. Reaction. Attitude. Everything. Ecstasy. High.

I turn off the TV, come into the darkness of my room, sit on the bed, with my mind touring on its own. And there I left, with my eyes wide open; wandering, thinking, and questioning. And painful-joyous tears glittering…

23.07.2007

The Notebook

2008-06-18T09:59:00.002+07:00

Monday, July 23, 2007

i don't really know what to write actually
i lost my notebook when i was in Lembang
my first one, black-yellow colour
i wonder why i brought the thing there!

: i remember that rainy day when there were three of us, as usual: me, Vera, and Adolf. What we did that day, i couldn't really remember... (somebody please remind me), but we ended up having coffee at Starbucks, Martin Place. I was ecstatically writing a love poem that evening, on that notebook. Quite a beautiful one. We were even joking how I would hysterically run and look for that notebook if somehow i lost it somewhere.

and now, it's not in my hand anymore. i'm still hoping though that the hotel still keeps it... well yea, it has many sad memories there. many sad writings, bring me to tears... and more tears when i make my mind travel back to those days. maybe it's better to just keep it away. no more memories. no nothing.

i always love history, though

In English

2008-06-18T09:59:00.001+07:00

Friday, June 29, 2007

No, this is not a mistake. I’m actually writing in English. Gosh!

My best friends would have known that I’m very very reluctant writing in English. Even in conversations, I use plain Indonesian and never want to add such simple words, like “by the way” or even “happy” (some people may notice that I'm changing again these days). I just love Indonesian language so very much that I’m too attached to it, feeling that if I write in English or in some other languages; I would be someone who is being disloyal, someone who is trying to be so Western (or Eastern, depends) and is forgetting her own language and culture. Yea, yea, I know. I shouldn’t have that kind of feeling, but I am just so proud of myself writing in my own language. God knows why!

Some persons who know that I write have actually asked me whether I write in Indonesian or in English. And I have to say that I rarely write in English. Well, I have some poems written. But honestly, they’re shit. I never really show them to anyone, except for “Finding Hinterland”, a poem I read for Women’s Association Day at UTS. Now looking back at that particular day, I wonder how I could get so dare showing off my voice singing “What a Wonderful World” and reading that crap poem in front of everyone there. Will I be that same person now? Maybe the universe should give me chances.

Well, back to the topic. Realizing that it’s a weakness for not being able to write well in English, now I’m taking my chances. Second, I do not know where I would end up going or living. And if it’s not in this beautiful country that I love so much, then I would need to start exercising. Because of course, I can still write in Indonesian whenever I want to. I guess this is just a simple exercise I could do if maybe that particular time would really come. And seriously, not being able to show my writings to these some people is such a shame. I even consider it as a crime.

There are these very few times when I read those poems written in English by these very great poets. To be honest, I find them very annoying because I can barely understand what those lyrics mean, and sometimes only I can treasure their beauty. The one that I can still remember is /gather all ye rosebuds while ye may/ and that’s only because I watched the film “Dead Poets Society”. And yes, there is this Bertolt Brecht. But his poems I read were only translations (as long as I remember) and I should say I highly enjoy reading them.

Sometimes, I do get jealous (take it as a positive cue, please) when I read some good writings people make in English. What “good” means can be varied, yes. But I could say Eric can create a good, cool writing in very good English. And they are so in his style. Perfect practises make perfect, they say. I hope… I, too, can eventually find my style and be able to write in English with full enjoyment and excitement. Writing it beautifully and of course, like it’s there in my soul.

http://ameliadevina.blogspot.com/2007/06/in-english.html