In English
Friday, June 29, 2007
No, this is not a mistake. I’m actually writing in English. Gosh!
My best friends would have known that I’m very very reluctant writing in English. Even in conversations, I use plain Indonesian and never want to add such simple words, like “by the way” or even “happy” (some people may notice that I'm changing again these days). I just love Indonesian language so very much that I’m too attached to it, feeling that if I write in English or in some other languages; I would be someone who is being disloyal, someone who is trying to be so Western (or Eastern, depends) and is forgetting her own language and culture. Yea, yea, I know. I shouldn’t have that kind of feeling, but I am just so proud of myself writing in my own language. God knows why!
Some persons who know that I write have actually asked me whether I write in Indonesian or in English. And I have to say that I rarely write in English. Well, I have some poems written. But honestly, they’re shit. I never really show them to anyone, except for “Finding Hinterland”, a poem I read for Women’s Association Day at UTS. Now looking back at that particular day, I wonder how I could get so dare showing off my voice singing “What a Wonderful World” and reading that crap poem in front of everyone there. Will I be that same person now? Maybe the universe should give me chances.
Well, back to the topic. Realizing that it’s a weakness for not being able to write well in English, now I’m taking my chances. Second, I do not know where I would end up going or living. And if it’s not in this beautiful country that I love so much, then I would need to start exercising. Because of course, I can still write in Indonesian whenever I want to. I guess this is just a simple exercise I could do if maybe that particular time would really come. And seriously, not being able to show my writings to these some people is such a shame. I even consider it as a crime.
There are these very few times when I read those poems written in English by these very great poets. To be honest, I find them very annoying because I can barely understand what those lyrics mean, and sometimes only I can treasure their beauty. The one that I can still remember is /gather all ye rosebuds while ye may/ and that’s only because I watched the film “Dead Poets Society”. And yes, there is this Bertolt Brecht. But his poems I read were only translations (as long as I remember) and I should say I highly enjoy reading them.
Sometimes, I do get jealous (take it as a positive cue, please) when I read some good writings people make in English. What “good” means can be varied, yes. But I could say Eric can create a good, cool writing in very good English. And they are so in his style. Perfect practises make perfect, they say. I hope… I, too, can eventually find my style and be able to write in English with full enjoyment and excitement. Writing it beautifully and of course, like it’s there in my soul.
http://ameliadevina.blogspot.com/2007/06/in-english.html
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