Amelia Devina, The Full Time Life Recorder

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Amongst the hectic of the city of Guangzhou, I take a time off; wandering around in this bridge of hope. of green and yellow, where you can look above and under, trying to find peace and a bit of time to just realize that a city can still be this meaningful. i take a time off; allowing myself to take a flashback of the weeks that just went through. on how i feel blessed, thankful, and still; sorry for the things left undone.

It's so good to know that family can always be the place you can rely on. they accept you fr who you are and would never question you, never wanting you to change. they make fun of you, you make fun of them. we laugh at each others' foolness and, really, nothing could compare the comfort of it. it is a blessing that there are always people you can call friends. always around you, proud of you, say good and bad things about you. and yet, still, no matter how stupid you are in life; they are always supporting you. it's funny and it's good to know that after all these times; some things have never and would never change(d).

I'm so happy and so proud to know that my friends at Sydney are mostly happy with what they're doing right now. family, friends, spouse, with lover or no lover, studies, nice jobs, plans for holidays, plans for the future; all seem great! nice food, nice weather, nice season, and nice fashion; grab whatever life may give you! and when i look at myself, what i've done throughout this year; i feel so big and yet so small. i feel so proud and yet so ashamed inside. really, no regret. everything is in its place. everything is worth is price.

My baby said something to me recently regarding my latest and craziest project in life. he said: nver feel guilty. what you've done is a miracle! it may seem bullshit, but at this moment i want to feel that it's true and it's the only truth that i can believe in. i can always relate it to any condition and therefore have faith in the angel and hero inside me. yes, what i've done is a miracle. and not even a single person can do it better than me, can lead my life happier than me. i, myself, is a miracle already!

Oh, how i want to go back laying on the grass in the middle of Hyde Park! with a cup of tea. or coffee. or with a cute muffin i can buy in the shop not far within. grab a paper and a pen, and make sure you record the beauty and the pain! Oh, how i want to taste a bit if freedom. more laughters and more time alone. the green, yellow, red, and brown. the sun, the moon, and the stars. and the earth. the Universe. before the sun sets, before the sun rises from the west. and the earth and all mankind collapse.